


May I?

by Morathi_Cain



Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [30]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Affection, Bohn's POV, Bohn's thoughts are a bit angsty, Established Relationship, M/M, Overcoming insecurities, but not for long, public affection, this is very fluffy I'd say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26620588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: Bohn has been burned too often. But he thought he'd left it all behind. His fear of being too much, wanting too much. So he rather overthinks than asks or acts, but luckily, First notices and Bohn grows.
Relationships: First Kankun/Bon Sirikarnkul
Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708738
Comments: 12
Kudos: 63
Collections: FirstBohn - when a ghostship takes your soul





	May I?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dreams_and_Doodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreams_and_Doodles/gifts).



> Thank you for the request and sorry for taking so long! v.v  
> Hope you like this!  
> Hope you all like this ;)
> 
> Have fun!

May I?

First.  
.  
.  
.  
First’s hand.  
.  
.  
.

It was taunting, to be honest. Like a magnet to his eyes or the sun to his inner moth.

Bohn pulled a face.

His inner moth, how romantic. Or rather how terribly stupid.  
As if he’d lost all of his brain cells once more. Although ... he’d probably lost them a long time ago already. Had it been back when he’d fallen for Duen? Or even before? Had he gotten worse since he’d started crushing on First? And if that was the case, how could he hide it? First wouldn’t want to be with an idiot, would he?

Sighing, Bohn rolled his eyes at his own panic and an inner drama queen.

They had been a couple for only one week, for god’s sake.  
One damn week!

A good week, no doubt, but apparently not enough to make him not panic over First and his hand and his own urge to hold it. About being allowed to be physically affective.

But what an urge it was! And a surprising one on top of that.

Before they’d gotten together, it had been long since he’d actually wanted to hold Duen’s hand, the suppression of his own wishes so effective, it had basically killed any urge. Which had been better anyway, because the chances of Duen allowing any touch had been nonexistent.

Contrary to the situation with his ex-boyfriend, Bohn had had the urge to touch First for some time now, rather vague and unsure, careful not to crave too much, not to overstep and be too much.

Yes, First had agreed to be his boyfriend.  
Yes, they had touched and kissed each other in one week more often than he’d ever done with Duen.

Bohn knew First wanted it, too. He knew and he still wondered, still panicked.

First had initiated so much interaction between them till now, Bohn wasn’t sure what to make of the situation just now. They were on the sofa, silently watching a car race and sitting a bit apart. Close enough to be in touching distance.  
Did First need a moment for himself while they were watching a car race? Was he waiting for Bohn to take the first step this time? Was he tired of him? Would he be bothered if Bohn asked or took his hand? Would he even get angry?

No.

Bohn shook his head, taking a deep breath.  
First wouldn’t get angry.  
First wasn’t Duen.

Still, Bohn didn’t know if he could endure any kind of rejection. Not yet at least. Even if it was a calm, nice and reasonable one. Because in his mind, it was always so much more. Always one step towards annoyance and anger.

He knew he was overdramatic. Wasn’t he? Probably? Maybe?

One thing was sure and that was that the feeling got worse the more he thought about it. The more he saw First next to him, his hand so close. His panic rose by the second, the same way his itch to touch grew. Every fibre of his very being screamed „Want!“ into the room, lost in silence.

But his mind was so full of fear.

Like a demon, getting bigger with every negative thought. Too much to ignore already, making him hesitate and second-guess even more until all he wanted was to vanish. Vanish, so he could simply sleep and stop thinking, his exhaustion overwhelming him.

Was this right? How it should be? Or once again a repetition of Duen? Despite First being so different? Despite their story and love being so different? How could he even compare them? Why did his mind even walk down this path? Why?

And what was he supposed to do now? What ...

„Bohn?“

A light touch and a quiet voice startled Bohn, soft fingers hovering over his hands, curled into tight fists, trembling on top of his knees.

„What?“

Bohn’s voice was as rough as if he’d been smoking during the last hours. Or screaming. Or crying ...

First studied Bohn’s face, but he didn’t seem angry, only worried. His fingers were still almost touching Bohn’s as if he hadn’t yet decided how to proceed.

„May I?“

First nodded towards Bohn’s hands, shuffling a tiny bit closer. As if he was afraid he could push Bohn away with one wrong movement.

„YES!“, Bohn wanted to scream, but all he managed was a tiny nod, his heart in his throat and ready to jump out any given moment.

Carefully, slowly, First touched Bohn’s hand, taking it into his own.

When their fingers were finally intertwined, Bohn felt relief wash over him like a wave. Taking all the fear with him, the doubt and pressure, even the headache. As if he was finally able to breathe again, his tense muscles loosening up a bit and his mind clear once more.

Ever as careful, First lifted their joint hands to press a kiss to Bohn’s knuckles before staring at him with a half-lidded gaze.

„That’s what you want?“

Bohn licked his lips, his „Yes“ still rough but vocal this time, his eyes fixed on First. As if no one could ever rip them apart.

First, who moved closer without breaking the eye contact, until their faces were only one breath away.

„Is this still okay?“

A nod, tiny but fast, was all the answer he needed, before he pressed their lips together, his free hand holding Bohn close by the neck. As if there was any chance of him running away.  
Or maybe it was because he was trembling. Shivers running down his back in anticipation.

Kissing First was still mindblowing. A full-on wonder added to fireworks and the music of their shared heartbeat.  
If it was still like this after a week, would it stay? The next weeks? The next months?

Bohn hoped.

Slowly, First pulled back. Only barely, making Bohn cross-eyed as he continued to stare at his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s nose.  
Caring fingers brushed through his hair and First’s soft smile made it almost impossible to finish another thought.

„It’s okay to ask“, First murmured, „It’s okay to hold my hand and it’s okay to wonder. We’ll get there, okay?“

Bohn swallowed, his mouth dry and his skin burning as if he’d been in the sun too much. As if they hadn’t had make-out sessions already. As if this was their first kiss.

Once more, he nodded, a pressing feeling in his chest which he couldn’t describe.

The smile he got as a reply was stunning. Like the sun itself. Relief and happiness came pouring out of First, overthrowing Bohn with such a warm fuzzy feeling, his fingertips were tingling and he wanted to keep it forever.

„I’m glad then“, First said, before he swiftly turned over and laid his head in Bohn’s lap, their fingers still intertwined.

Without blinking, Bohn stared at his boyfriend.

„I’d rather continue watching like this if it’s okay for you?“

Not able to hold back, Bohn instantly leaned down and pulled First’s face up a tiny bit, to press a desperate but tender kiss against his lips. Just to pour his whole heart into this, nothing more. And nothing less.

From First’s stunned look, he had surprised his boyfriend for once. Pride and pure, unaltered bliss whirled together inside him and he leaned back with a smirk, feeling more like himself once more.

His boyfriend was in his lap, they were holding hands and had just kissed.  
This right here, to be honest, was more than he had dared to dream.

~~~

Bohn was feeling sick.

He was feeling sick and didn’t know if it was because of the food, Frong and Thara or his own damn insecurities.

It was the first meeting with First’s family since they’d gotten together and they’d both been a bit awkward till now. It had apparently been a few years since First had brought someone home and now Bohn wondered who it had been. If that person had left a better impression than he had. If First’s mother wanted the other one back now or wished for someone else entirely.

At least it couldn’t be because he was a man. With two of her sons dating men, she’d accepted the fact and was dealing with it quite well, as far as Bohn could see. Watching Frong and Thara flirt over a piece of dessert made him realise she had had no chance but to adapt. Those two finally getting together and finally living their sappy inner demons mustn’t have been easy for her, but by now she was looking at them fondly, almost emotional. As if they were about to promise her their first-born any second.

A light touch to his thigh startled Bohn. It was First, of course, leaning closer to whisper.

“What’s going on?”

“Why? Nothing.”

First huffed, his thumb pressing into Bohn’s thigh: “Don’t lie. You’re pulling a face and I want to know why.”

Bohn coughed as quietly as possible and looked around if someone was listening. Then he leaned closer to his boyfriend, enjoying the heat he radiated, the scent of his shampoo and the way First’s hair tickled his cheek.

“Your brother is so sappy and your mom looks as if they already promised their firstborn to her.”

First’s whole body erupted in giggles and he kept a hold on Bohn’s thigh, drawing all of Bohn’s attention to the spot and the warmth, which started spreading.

He didn’t dare to move, his fingers itching.

When his laughter died down a bit, First smirked and threw one glance towards Frong and Thara.

“They’ve always been like that and I think my mother expects them to drop an invitation to their wedding anytime soon. I wouldn’t be surprised either.”

“Didn’t they ...”, Bohn started but stopped, his face heating from the blush.

“Didn’t they?”

First’s wide eyes were taunting, an invitation even. Bohn’s love for him rose and took over his body.

“Weren’t they ashamed to do that in front of your mother?”

Understanding dawned on First’s face and he looked down to his hand, still possessively splayed on top of Bohn’s leg. Because it belonged there.

Just a tiny movement was enough. Just the hint of First pulling his hand away.

“No”, Bohn mumbled, feeling more embarrassed than ever, “It’s okay.”

“Really?”

“I am glad then”, First smiled and leaned back a bit when his mother turned to ask him something. She had probably grown impatient with Frong’s wedding plans and needed some distraction.

Now, First’s hand was gripping him even tighter, a constant reminder of them being here, being together. And Bohn grew restless as he watched it, out of the corner of his eyes, pretending to pay attention to the people around them.

He could take it, couldn’t he? First wouldn’t have kept it there or touched him in the first place if he hadn’t wanted to do it. If he was uncomfortable with it.  
But what if he was? If it was just to be nice to Bohn?

He blinked. No, this couldn’t be true. This was First, after all. And if he’d only done it to be nice, he would have to tell him. Yes, he would.

Sweating and with his pulse running wild, Bohn slowly moved, his own hand inching closer to those precious fingers. Warm, beautiful, tender fingers.

Right before he they touched, Bohn looked up once more, trying to catch First’s gaze. But his boyfriend had been roped into a discussion about the shop, seemingly deep into listening to his brothers and their advice.

Frustration rose as if someone kept him from moving another bit. The last, important bit. As if there was no way he could ...

A squeeze to his thigh was like an electrical shock, Bohn’s breath catching in his throat. First was definitely still in the middle of the talk, but his hand had obviously moved, his index finger running slow circles across his jeans.

Bohn felt a small smile fighting its way up to his lips, out into the world and he took a deep breath. With one daring move, he gently laid his hand on top of First’s, covering it completely.

The only indication of First realising anything was another squeeze and a full-on stutter, as he tried to explain why fly traps had become so popular this year.

Smirking with the best satisfaction, Bohn leaned back a bit, getting more comfortable as he took a firm hold on the hand beneath his.

There was no need to hide.  
Not now.

~~~

Hiding was good. Hiding was perfect. Hiding was the best, seriously.

Bohn felt his neck heat up once again as an old woman stared at him and First, sitting close together at a table.

There’s no space!, he wanted to tell her, and to gesture towards the small table. They weren’t even holding hands, for god’s sake.

Still, she looked as if she knew and as if she judged. Harshly. And somehow she managed to make him want to shuffle away, have the appropriate distance to his own boyfriend.

“Did you just growl?”

Now, Bohn was ready to vanish beneath the table and be gone forever. But of course, he couldn’t. First’s smirk was full of adoration and love and made it all worse. Had he even realised the glances they got? The judgment and those unspoken questions?

“I’m hungry”, he grumbled now, close to cover his face with his hands.

First skidded a bit closer, pressing their bodies together from shoulder to knee: “That’s why we’re here, babe.”

The pet name always got Bohn, reducing his inside to one pile of goo, unable to do anything but go crazy.

“Shut up”, was his only response and First laughed, his eyes twinkling for god’s sake before he leaned back again. Which was probably better, because of all the judgment, but now Bohn missed him and his touch, his warmth.

Funny, how he could suddenly feel cold without First, even though it had never been a problem before. He had always been the hot one. In more senses than one.

The old woman went away with one last glance and Bohn let out a deep sigh of relief. Finally. Her eyes had been piercing through the earth, for fuck’s sake. No chance to escape at all. But now, finally, she had gone and he could sit here with First in peace, just eating and ...

A group of guys sat down at the vacant spot, talking and laughing loudly.

It was like a bucket of ice, right into Bohn’s face.

They were around their age, he couldn’t say. But they were such an obvious heterosexual bunch of guys, it almost hurt to look at them. And he knew they would judge. He knew they would look at them suspiciously and talk about them once they saw him and First behaving more like a couple. More the way Bohn wanted to be with his boyfriend.

He had never had the urge to be as lovey-dovey as Frong and Thara, but just to sit together, hold hands and smile at each other shouldn’t be too much, should it? He shouldn’t have to overthink that, should he?

Their food finally came and for a few moments, Bohn relaxed a bit. They could concentrate on eating now and there was nothing suspicious about that, was there? Those guys could care for themselves and he could finally concentrate on his conversation with First. He had wanted to tell Bohn something about this new kind of flower he had bought and Bohn had wanted to ask him all the time already. But there hadn’t been time and then they had been tired and hungry and then ...

One of the guys stared at them. No, he didn’t stare at them, but at First. And it wasn’t judgmental but curious. Maybe even more than curious.

It was as if everything stopped and Bohn stared, openly.

“Is it good?”, First asked, his mouth full and his eyes wide as he devoured his meal.

Bohn swore he could hear a Ping when the guy’s interest obviously rose even more. And he understood. Too well, maybe.

“It’s delicious”, Bohn mumbled, stuffing his face with another spoonful of noodles. It wasn’t even a lie. The food was amazing, which was why they had chosen the place after all. But to have another guy check out his boyfriend so shamelessly ...

“First?”

His boyfriend looked up from his steak, probably pondering on how to repeat this at home.

“Yeah?”

“Is ... do you ...”, Bohn took a deep breath, “Is it okay for me to be close to you? Now?”

Realisation hit and First got nervous, obviously.

“You mean closer than this?”

He let out a little huff, their eyes still locked and Bohn waiting, patiently. His first instinct had been to tell First it was okay and it didn’t matter, but he had learned to be a bit more patient. To let First work through it for himself as well, since Bohn had done all the overthinking already.

And to be honest, he had enough of that. Here he was, unsure if he could even sit close to First when other people took the freedom to judge them and openly drool over his boyfriend. No, he’d at least try.

Another huff and First started smiling shyly, his skin darkening because of the blush: “Yes, I’m good.”

The angst and worry got instantly replaced by such mindblowing giddiness, Bohn couldn’t contain his smile.

“Uh”, First pulled a face, “You’re blinding me. How can I keep looking at you?”

But he did exactly that, his smile tender as he leaned closer.

With one swift movement, Bohn put an arm around First’s shoulder, pulling him a bit closer. Just enough to press a kiss to First’s forehead.

“Look at your steak then”, he laughed freely, “And give me a bite.”

First might be rolling his eyes, but he instantly cut off a piece, feeding it to Bohn, followed by a short, trembling kiss.

It was as if something inside of Bohn settled. As if all the pieces of the puzzle finally fit. As if everything was at its right place, the happiness pulsing through every vein.

Bohn didn’t need to look up again. He didn’t need to see anyone’s reaction or know what anyone was thinking. All he needed, was to know First was with him.

Crossing their ankles beneath the table, Bohn smiled as he accepted the next piece of steak.

~~~

“Bohn!”

Bohn turned to see a grinning King, pulling Ram with him towards them. They hadn’t arranged to meet tonight, but apparently they had had the same idea.

The two men arrived at their table with their own drinks in their hands.

“Can we sit with you?”

Bohn turned to First, who smiled carefully. He wasn’t against meeting Bohn’s friends, but since the latest horror-meeting between Bohn and Duen, he’d gotten cautious. He simply didn’t want to make it harder for Bohn. King knew and he had started to give his best to befriend First now so they could all bond.

“Sure”, First tried his best as well, “I’ve wanted to ask you about your flytrap anyway.”

“Oh!”

Ram and Bohn stared at each other with the knowledge that they had just lost their boyfriends. At least for a bit.

Bohn had to laugh as Ram rolled his eyes, but stared at King afterwards with such adoration and love, Bohn wondered if he was equally as obvious.

Well, he thought to himself, if that was the case, he didn’t mind.

Almost casually, he shuffled closer and put his arm around First, pressing their sides together.  
First looked over, a thankful, relieved smile on his lips, before he turned back to King, diving once more into their favourite topic.

Bohn let out a deep sigh as he settled in, making himself comfortable and expecting to practise some silent communication with Ram across the table. If anyone of them was actually able to look away from their partners.

First’s hand sneaked down to his knee, giving it a squeeze before staying there, comfortably, as if he had any right to do so.

Because yes.  
Yes, First had every right to do so.

He was Bohn’s boyfriend, after all.  
He was Bohn’s love.  
He was there, along the way, together with Bohn.  
First made him brave.

First.  
First and his love.

the End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please let me know if you like it =^^=
> 
> -> for requests or shared screaming about the boys, feel free: morathicain.tumblr.com


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